(Originally written October 28, 2007)
With elections looming, some of my neighbors asked me to pass on suggestions to our current and potential leaders that they would like to see considered as our communities develop more eco-conscious attitudes. They were all sent to me, but were addressed to all candidates and their constituents involved in next week's elections. Respectfully consider these three letters from our fellow neighbors. I am merely the messenger.
1. What's your stance on squirrel's rights? I mean, how come ducks and
deer get crossing signs and we're passed over like bumps in the road? Jeez, the deer've been either tire'd to extinction or've joined the coons and skunks in slightly greener pastures. We're close ourselves and our future dims with each dropping acorn. Do you know how hard it is to carry four months' dinner in your jowls while Riverdancing in a blender? A squirrel can't get a nut these days!
Please, just keep us in mind next time you lop down our homes in favor of one of those phony metallic trees. We're squirrels, people, not the Berenstain Bears.
2. It's obvious I'm being divvied up like Thanksgiving dinner, and I'm forced to fight conflicting feelings of lust and abuse. I love myself, naturally, but if drastic change is inevitable, consider this. Much of my land is forest or farmland, and as such I retain a lot of water you don't see. Soon my veins'll be replaced with steel pipes and my pores filled with asphalt and concrete.
Well, seein's how you're selling parts of me for medical use, how's bout a little facelift for Good Ol' 34? Instead of the bland stormwater styles every other highway is wearing to work, consider fashioning me with green-roofed buildings and vegetated swales or rain gardens. My third cousin in Oregon just got overhauled a few years ago (www.asla.org/lamag/stormwater
3. You never forget the first time you visit the shore, and personally … well … I can't quite remember when it was. But I do know it was a long time ago and I do remember a glorious touch-down on that wonderful pond. That beautiful body with it's free, open access to the ocean was a welcome sight to our gaggle after that ridiculous flight.
Unfortunately the tide has changed, and I can't fight the feeling that the unsightly wall-and-pipe combo at the mouth is a big reason. I know you like to think your stuff don't stink, but
that's beside the point. Soon you'll plant shrubbery we detest and patrol the shores with goose-chasing canines. You'll put that hard, black substance everywhere in order to park your human movers closer to increasingly lifeless water, and you'll wreck pond. Seems to me you'd be better served helping our Mother do her job than hindering her. But what do I know; I'm just a silly goose.
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